Hello, Friend, Stranger, or Passerby…
I decided to write on here tonight to simply tell the stories that have brewed in my soul and bubbled in my mind for the last year. I left my heart in a city I thought I’d never fall in-love with, and suffered a few months from the hollowness and loss I felt from having to leave behind all the foundations I’ve built. From memories to friends, to my favorite $4 bahn mi deli hidden inside of a chinese food market, to all the daily routines that brought growth to my well being: running, going for long walks at 3am, finishing a book on the bus, discovering new eateries, and finding the treasures that lay beneath the façade of the urban city. And you know what? I made the choice to leave it all behind.
I set a goal to break away from material attachment and dependancy and sold almost everything I could, donated what was left behind, and gave away clothes and shoes to friends. I wanted to own only the necessities and items that brought me happiness. I gave away some of my most treasured books so that someone else may discover and be enchanted by the treasure I found within them. I donated really expensive clothes and shoes so that someone else could buy it for less than a dollar. I wasn’t interested in gaining money for the items I was letting go of–though in hindsight I probably should have sold it for a little bit of money (to help with moving costs)–but that wasn’t the point. The purpose of it was to rid myself of all things material so that others who could not afford or have these things, can dazzle, be beautiful, and live comfortably without worrying about the burdens of paying for it.
I wanted to start teaching myself good habits to have as a human being. People don’t realize that the habits we make when we are younger, are habits that form and shape who we become in our future. I also want to add that choosing to make something a habit is of importance as well. Choose a life that is filled with value and not material. Choose a life that is independent and free of the social stigmas our society wants us to live. Choose a life that brings meaning not only to your life, but to others. But you have to make the choice–even if it means leaving behind what you’ve grown so comfortable with and donating the rest to charity.
Discover what is valuable in your life, what your passionate about, and prioritize and honor these things. Figure out all of this stuff early on. It’s okay to be the different one among your friends if you’re doing these things. Different is what we need, so that the rest who don’t quite get it, can learn the habits of the different. I chose to leave behind the things I built in the city I love the most because I learned how to turn memories and experiences into the bloodline that brings life in my spirit, and how to turn change and fear of the unknown into heartbeats that bring courage, determination, and resilience, in my hopes and dreams.
Traversing this last year may have felt lonesome at many times, but I’ve gained a lot that most won’t discover until later on in their life. I don’t make a ton of money or have the latest fashions on my back. I haven’t yet found my favorite $4 bahn mi deli or even loyal friends in this town to call so I can vent about my frustrations with the Lannisters or why I haven’t been more disciplined with working on my novel, but I’m happier because I’ve learned to love my solitude and find comfort in the unknown. The dark and luscious emerald forests of the unknown may be frightening from the outside but, with a little curiosity and confidence to discover what’s within, you’ll find and realize all that we, as beings in this world, should value in our hearts.
Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving. Growth can only happen with change and movement.